I was a smoker for many years and quit many times.
I know that willpower doesn't work.
I know how it feels to slip up and feel defeated.
Treating urges and desire as the enemy doesn't work and removing yourself from situations or specific settings won't work in the long run.
A condition will inevitably present itself that will trigger me. I realized that the cigarette wasn't the problem. I was.
How could I become that person that genuinely dislikes cigarettes when I liked cigarettes?
The pattern of avoiding and the inevitable guilt of succumbing to my habit wasn't working.
I made having the cigarette mean that I was in some way flawed, wrong, and not strong enough. Which then, of course, led to smoking more.
Instead of noting all the reasons why smoking was bad for me, I decided to document all the ways it served me and what I enjoyed about it.
Stress relief was at the top of my list, a few moments to myself, and interestingly, a distraction to uncomfortable feelings. Aha!
As I began to look more closely, I asked myself what am I thinking and feeling in the moments leading up to having that cigarette.
As I allowed myself to be curious instead of berating myself for my urge to smoke, I realized that in most instances, whenever I felt uncomfortable, I had a cigarette.
Uncomfortable meant various things.
Like:
anxious
irritated
restless
agitated
self-conscious
worried
I also realized that I was subconsciously judging myself for feeling an emotion.
In those moments before going for the cigarette, if I was feeling any of the above, I usually was quick to dismiss it. Tread carefully here.
Telling yourself that you "should" or "shouldn't" anything is judgment, and that will not inspire you into action.
Curiosity is a much more helpful place to be when you're trying to discover or uncover something about yourself.
The reason is that it places you in the position of watching your mind instead of being in it. It gives you space from your thoughts.
Once you discover those emotions that trigger you, what next?
Allow them and feel them fully.
I've said this before, feeling your emotions without resistance is the only way to dissipate them fully.
Emptying your thoughts on paper is a beautiful way to see what is happening inside your noggin.
I've written thoughts down and noticed that I don't even believe half of them.
Thoughts that go unchecked can quickly become beliefs that don't serve you.
Ever notice how much better you feel after a good cry?
You are holding space, honoring your emotions, and your body gets relief from pain and trauma.
Exercise is also a critical component to changing a habit because our emotions get stuck in the body.
If this post resonates with you, and you would like to learn more about how you can change habits that aren't serving your wellbeing, message me.