When I was single, February 14th felt like one of those days I couldn't wait to be over. I knew it was just a day, but my brain used to go to town on all the wrong things with me because I wasn't in a relationship.
Or worse, then go into thinking about past failed relationships.
So not helpful!
It wasn't until I realized that what I needed to do was start loving and truly accepting myself that the dread went away.
So what does that really mean?
It means asking yourself how you can love yourself more.
How can you give yourself compassion?
How can you treat yourself kindly?
Whether for a massage, buying myself flowers, or getting a mani-pedi, I would do something nice for ME.
I would also decide that if I were blaming myself or reliving an old experience that wasn't great, I decided to tell my brain, not today!
Many of my clients ask, how can you just shut it off?
You tell it to. You see, if you don't direct your brain, it will direct you.
You decide what you want to think and how you want to feel.
If you don't, your thoughts and emotions become like the wind and will go wherever they may and run the same old behavior patterns.
Our brains like instruction.
If you ask it questions like why my love life always sucks, it will search for those answers.
However, if you ask it better questions, you will get better answers.
Confirmation bias is the brain's tendency to look for, interpret, and recall events in a way that supports your beliefs. What do you believe about yourself?
Don't get me wrong; sometimes, my brain wants to think back to difficult and painful times.
When it does, and I catch it, I ask myself how thinking about that is serving me right now. Is it reaffirming a belief I currently have? What story am I telling myself, and do I like it?
Am I making myself the victim? I know I am only a victim if I choose to be.
Instead, how did those past situations serve me? What did I learn from them?
Maybe that I am a much stronger person now for having gone through them?
You always have the choice to decide how you want to feel.